I Just Don't Get It

As a young kid I would hear my mom and my grandma and different ones in my church say how they longed to go to Heaven and that this world no longer had anything to offer them. I never quite understood how they felt. I mean, I always wanted to go to Heaven, but I felt I had so much left to do that I didn't want to go yet.

As I have gotten older and have been put through many tests and trials, I can honestly say I understand how they felt and feel. Lately I just feel like I have been through so many things and I would be glad to call Heaven my home today. I love my friends ( and I have some of the best there is) and family and I look forward to what my future may hold, but if the Lord were to call me home today, I would have absolutely no problem going. I feel like there is nothing that is holding me here.

I heard Pam (she's like a second Mom and awesome spiritual mentor I have) say that she feels like a visitor here on Earth and she is just passing through. I feel more like that every day. I just don't feel at home here anymore. I find that the things that I loved just don't mean the same thing anymore.

I long to be closer to God and I want to just stop saying that and actually do it. I want to be so close to Him that I think like He would. When you get really close to them many times you start acting like them and talking like them. I want that.

I wonder if anyone else feels like they aren't really effecting anyone around them. I sometimes feel like the things I am doing and the stand I am trying to take for God doesn't effect anyone around me. There are so many things I want and maybe they are so hard to reach because they are such great things. I think that if some of my closest friends were to start coming to church and surrender their lives to God I would probably not be able to stand myself. I would be so messed up. It would be great!

God, these situations I am going through at church are yours now. I can't handle them anymore. I don't want them anymore. They are yours to do with as you please and I am going to worry about them no longer! I can't do anything to make them better anyway, so you can do what you want! I am in your hands and trust you completely.

Andy